You’re sitting there, minding your business, maybe sipping your black coffee like a true warrior, when suddenly—thump-thump-thump-thump! Your heart starts racing like it just saw its crush. You pause. You wonder. Am I about to meet my ancestors?
Relax, my friend. You’re probably not dying (yet). What you’re experiencing is called heart palpitations—when your heart decides to do some freestyle moves without asking for permission. They can feel scary, but most of the time, they’re just your body’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s off!”
So, grab a seat, tighten your belt, and let’s dive into the hilarious, bizarre, and sometimes serious world of heart palpitations.
By the time we’re done, you’ll know why they happen, what to do when they strike,
and how to prevent your heart from acting like a rebellious teenager.
CAUSES OF HEART PALPITATIONS
Your heart is like a disciplined warrior, beating in a steady rhythm… until you throw something at it that messes with its groove.
Here are some of the main troublemakers:
- Caffeine Overdose – That fourth cup of black coffee might make you feel like a god…
until your heart starts playing the drums like an overexcited rock star.
- Dehydration – Your blood turns thick like matumbo stew, and your heart struggles to pump it efficiently.
- Electrolyte Imbalance – Sodium, potassium, and magnesium control your heart’s electrical signals.
Mess them up, and your heart might start doing random TikTok dances.
- Stress & Anxiety – Overthinking your ex’s texts? Worrying about rent? Stress hormones can turn your heart into a racing engine.
- Too Much Sugar or Carbs – Spiking and crashing blood sugar messes with your nervous system, making your heart skip like a scratched CD.
- Overstimulation (Energy Drinks, Nicotine, Drugs) – Your heart wasn’t built to handle Red Bull + cigarettes + pre-workout + Nairobi traffic.
- Hormonal Changes – Ladies, blame estrogen. Men, blame… well, life.
- Heart Conditions – If palpitations come with chest pain, dizziness, or shortness of breath, stop reading and see a doctor NOW.
WHAT TO DO WHEN THEY OCCUR
So your heart is doing the harlem shake. Don’t panic—do this:
- Breathe Like a Monk – Take slow, deep breaths. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Oxygen is free, use it!
- Hydrate with Electrolytes – Salted water or bone soup can fix mild electrolyte imbalances.
Water alone won’t save you if your sodium is low.
- Cold Water Trick – Splash your face with ice-cold water or drink a glass of cold water.
It activates the vagus nerve, calming your heart down.
Think of it as rebooting your system.
- Bear Down Like You’re in a Toilet Battle – No joke.
The Valsalva maneuver (holding your breath and pushing like you’re in a constipation war) can reset your heart rhythm.
- Cough Hard – A strong cough can sometimes “reset” an irregular rhythm.
Yes, literally cough like you’re clearing Nairobi dust from your throat.
- Lie Down & Relax – Sometimes, just sitting or lying down can stabilize things. Your heart just needs to chill.
HOW TO PREVENT PALPITATIONS
If you don’t want your heart to act like a rebellious teenager, follow these rules:
✔ Drink Water, but Add Salt – Hydration without sodium is like a car without fuel.
Your heart needs the right minerals to function properly.
✔ Limit Stimulants – Cut down on coffee, energy drinks, and cigarettes unless you enjoy random heart attacks.
✔ Eat Like a Warrior – Focus on whole foods: fatty meat (yes, matumbo is your friend), organ meats, and leafy greens.
They are loaded with essential minerals.
✔ Sleep Well – Sleep deprivation can turn your nervous system into a chaotic battlefield.
You can’t function on 3 hours of sleep and expect a steady heartbeat.
✔ Move Your Body – Regular exercise strengthens your heart.
But don’t be that guy who does zero workouts then suddenly sprints like Usain Bolt—your heart might protest.
✔ Manage Stress Like a King – Stop worrying about things you can’t control.
Breathe. Meditate. Punch a punching bag if you must.
FINAL WORD FROM DR. KIMBO
Most heart palpitations are harmless, but if they happen too often, last too long, or come with pain, dizziness, or fainting, don’t be a hero,
see a doctor.
Your heart is your engine.
Treat it well, and it’ll power you like a beast.
Now, go forth and live like a Tribal Chief with a stable heart!
