Once upon a time, before railroads and missionaries, Kenyans were self-sufficient, warrior-spirited, and in charge of their own destinies. One fateful day, a bunch of sunburned men in funny hats showed up, claiming they were here to “civilize” us. Spoiler alert: That was just a polite way of saying, “Bend over, we’re about to ruin everything you hold dear.”
What followed was the greatest cultural and economic heist in history—a royal screwing so thorough that, a century later, we’re still walking funny. Our names got changed, our warriors were turned into office clerks, and our grandfathers—men who once hunted and killed lions—ended up asking for “permit ya kukata kuni.”
Today, Kenya is a nation where men named Jayden and Tiffany argue about feminism on Twitter, while farmers import maize they could grow themselves.
We swapped spears for suit-and-tie slavery, polygamy for divorce courts, and communal wealth for MPesa loans.
This is the story of how Kenyans got well and truly fucked by colonization—and why we’re still recovering from it.
ACCOUNT#1. The Name Theft—From Kamau wa Wainaina to Kevin McKenzie
Back in the day, a child’s name meant something.
You were Kamau wa Wainaina (Kamau, son of Wainaina) or Wanjiku wa Njoroge (Wanjiku, daughter of Njoroge).
Your name was a statement—a declaration of lineage, strength, and identity.
Enter the British, and suddenly, Africans needed “Christian names” to be considered civilized.
You had to be baptized or else you’d burn in hellfire after the return of the big Man from Nazareth.
Thus began the great Naming Cuckoldry, where proud warriors became John Mwangi, Peter Otieno, and Mary Atieno—random European names that meant absolutely nothing.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, some poor souls ended up with full-on colonial messes like Jayden Omondi or Shantel Wanjiru—
names that sound like rejected Hollywood extras.
Even today, Kenyan parents are out here naming their children Aiden, Madison, and Ethan, as if those children will suddenly inherit a mansion in the English countryside.
Meanwhile, the Chinese are naming their babies Jin Wang and Zhao Lei and taking over Africa without giving a damn about Western approval.
The Aftermath?
Today, many Kenyans don’t even know their great-grandfather’s name.
They carry foreign labels, completely detached from their ancestry.
Worse still, some proudly insist that names don’t matter—as if being called Brian Mbuthia instead of Mbuthia wa Kariuki is just a minor detail.
Colonialism didn’t just steal land; it stole identity.
That’s the first account, My Tribal Chief.
ACCOUNT#2. The Great Feminization—How They Neutered the Kenyan Man
Before the British invasion, a Kenyan man was a warrior, a leader, and a provider.
He had many wives, many children, and a homestead that ran like a well-oiled empire.
His job was to protect, conquer, and expand his influence.
Enter the British, and suddenly, the once-mighty African warrior was told to put down his spear
and learn how to write “Dear Sir/Madam” on a job application.
How They Pulled Off the Great Neutering:
- They Banned Warrior Training
No more initiation rites, no more warrior classes, no more battles for honor.
Instead, they handed men a Bible and told them, “Turn the other cheek.”
And boy, did we turn it—so much that today, a grown Kenyan man will beg for a job from another grown man called Jayden.
- They Pushed the 9-to-5 Plantation Life
The British didn’t want independent African men—
they wanted obedient workers.
So, they turned men into tax-paying salary slaves,
addicted to payslips instead of land ownership.
Today, a Kenyan man is more worried about his NSSF contribution than how much cattle he owns. Prove me wrong!
- They Promoted the One-Wife Rule
Before colonization, an African man with three wives and twenty children was considered powerful.
After colonization?
He was told “That is backward, be like the Europeans—one wife only.”
And just like that, we swapped strong dynasties for fragile nuclear families that collapse at the first sign of a cheating scandal.
- They Made Men Fear Women
Traditional African women respected strong men.
They knew a man’s authority was law.
But the British introduced “women’s rights” in a way that wasn’t about fairness—it was about breaking male dominance.
Now, we have Kenyan men debating feminism with women named Brenda Kim instead of building empires.
The Aftermath?
Today, many Kenyan men are passive, obedient, and fearful of power.
Instead of building wealth, they take selfies with silly faces.
Instead of leading, they ask for permission.
Instead of multiple wives, they chase one woman and still get rejected.
The warrior spirit has been replaced with corporate docility.
ACCOUNT #3. The “Good Boy” Syndrome—How Kenyans Became Afraid to Think for Themselves
Before colonization, a Kenyan man trusted his instincts, made decisions, and led his own life.
If something needed fixing, he fixed it.
If there was a threat, he handled it.
Then the British came along and said, “No, no, no! Don’t think for yourself! Wait for permission!”
Thus began the “Good Boy” Training Program, where Kenyans were taught that obedience is better than intelligence,
that asking questions is “disrespectful,” and that breaking rules is “immoral.”
The result? A society full of fully grown men who need permission for everything—from cutting down a tree to starting a business.
How They Programmed Kenyans to Be Afraid:
- The School System of Submission – British-style education wasn’t designed to make Kenyans smart.
It was designed to make them obedient workers.
That’s why school rewards the best memorizers, not the best thinkers.
You are trained to follow instructions, not challenge them.
Today, even with degrees, many Kenyans still need a boss to tell them what to do.
We still need a scientific body to allow doctors to advocate for fasting and keto diets.
- The Fear of Breaking Rules – Before the British came, Africans had their own systems of solving disputes.
But colonizers introduced laws upon laws, making sure everyone was scared of “breaking the rules.”
Today, a Kenyan man would rather stay broke than start a hustle without a “permit.”
Meanwhile, the Chinese show up, break every rule, and build empires.
- The Worship of Foreigners – Colonizers made sure Kenyans respected anything Western.
That’s why today, when a Kenyan meets a white man named Chad, he automatically assumes Chad is smarter, richer, and more important.
That’s also why many Kenyans speak English like a confused British tourist—they think it makes them sound educated.
The Aftermath?
Kenya is full of rule-following, approval-seeking men who are afraid to think independently.
Instead of building industries, they wait for the government to “create jobs.”
Instead of making their own systems, they copy whatever America is doing.
Instead of leading, they beg for validation.
Meanwhile, the guys who ignore the rules—cartels, corrupt politicians, and Chinese businessmen—are the ones actually winning.
ACCOUNT #4. The Religion of Weakness—How Christianity Was Used to Pacify Kenyans
Before colonization, the African man believed in strength, honor, and legacy.
His gods were war gods, rain gods, and fertility gods—forces of nature that demanded respect and action.
Then one day, some British men in robes showed up
and said, “Throw away your gods. We have a better one—Jesus!”
And just like that, entire tribes went from warriors to weaklings,
from hunters to beggars, from conquerors to “prayer warriors.”
Colonization didn’t just take land—it took the fire out of African men’s souls.
How Christianity Was Used to Neuter Kenyans:
- “Turn the Other Cheek” Bullshit – Before, if you disrespected a man, you got a spear through your ribs.
Now, men are told to “turn the other cheek” and “forgive” their enemies.
That’s why Kenyans get robbed, exploited, and mistreated—and instead of fighting back, they pray about it.
- “The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth” Lie – The British told Kenyans that being poor is noble and that humility is power.
Meanwhile, the colonizers were out here grabbing land, building wealth, and living like kings.
To this day, many Kenyans still believe suffering is holy—while politicians loot the country
and “donate” stolen money in church.
- Fear of Questioning the System – African spirituality was about seeking truth, testing strength, and proving yourself.
Christianity turned men into obedient sheep who fear questioning authority.
Today, Kenyans won’t challenge the government, won’t demand better leaders, won’t think for themselves—
because they’ve been trained to “leave it to God.”
“Thou shalt not point a finger on the anointed of God.”
- The One-Wife Rule Strikes Again –
African men used to build dynasties—many wives, many children, unshakable legacies.
But then came missionaries preaching “monogamy.”
The result? Weak family structures, where one wife can leave, take the kids, and destroy an entire bloodline overnight.
Meanwhile, the Catholic priests themselves don’t even follow the rules they preach.
The Aftermath?
Today, churches are money-making machines that milk poor Kenyans dry while selling them hope.
Instead of planning for the future, men “trust in the Lord.”
Instead of defending their honor, they “let God fight their battles.”
Christianity made Kenyans easy to rule, easy to rob, and easy to control.
Meanwhile, the Chinese, Indians, and Arabs don’t care about “praying for blessings”—they go out and take what they want.
And that’s why they own half of Kenya now.
ACCOUNT #5. The Land Theft Scam—Why Kenyans Still Don’t Own Their Own Country
Before the British arrived, land in Kenya belonged to families, clans, and warriors who had fought for it.
Your land was your inheritance, your legacy, your power.
Then some dusty Europeans showed up, looked around, and said, “This is nice. We’ll take it.”
And just like that, the biggest land heist in African history began.
How the British Stole Kenya, Right Under Our Noses:
- They Declared It “Crown Land” – One day, Kenyans woke up and were told “This land now belongs to the British Crown.”
Just like that, millions of acres were grabbed without a single coin being paid.
And if you refused? You were either shot or turned into a laborer on YOUR OWN LAND.
- They Created Fake Titles – Before colonization, land was passed down through bloodlines.
The British came and said, “No, no, no. You need a piece of paper to own land now.”
And guess what? The first people to get those pieces of paper were… THE BRITISH THEMSELVES.
- They Pushed Kenyans Into “Reserves”
Strong, independent warriors were rounded up like cattle and forced into tiny “native reserves.”
Meanwhile, the British were farming thousands of acres, running industries, and growing rich—ON KENYAN LAND.
- They Sold Land Back to Kenyans at a Price
After independence, did Kenyans get their land back? NO.
The British had the audacity to say, “If you want land, you have to buy it.” FROM THEM.
At insane prices. And guess who had money?
Their loyal Kenyan puppets—the political elites.
The Aftermath?
99% of Kenyans are squatters in their own country.
The biggest landowners in Kenya today are the Ks, the Ms and the Os families.
A Kikuyu man in Nyeri is fighting over a 50×100 plot, while British families still own entire districts.
Somali, Indian, and Chinese businessmen are buying up Kenya while Kenyans are stuck paying rent to “landlords.”
Kenya isn’t independent.
It’s a farm where the British left their loyal dogs in charge.
And today, those dogs are selling Kenya piece by piece.
ACCOUNT #6. The Political Slavery System—Why Kenya Will Never Have Real Leaders
If you think Kenya has ever had true independence, slap yourself and wake up.
The British didn’t leave power.
They just changed uniforms. The white governors packed their bags and handed over the country to their most obedient African pets—the politicians.
Independence didn’t bring freedom.
It simply replaced white rulers with black overseers—and these new masters have perfected the art of enslaving Kenyans while making them believe they are free.
How Kenyan Politics Became a Circus of Slavery:
- The British Trained Our “Leaders” to Be Puppets
When it was time to hand over power, do you think the British gave it to true revolutionaries?
Hell no.
They chose the most obedient, weak, and compromised Africans;
the ones who went to their schools, spoke their language, and had already learned to bow down to the West.
- They Kept the System the Same – The colonial system was built to benefit the ruling class and exploit the masses.
Did that change after independence? NO.
The only difference is that now, the rulers look like us, so we think they are on our side.
- Elections Are Just a Big, Stupid Game – Every five years, Kenyans get excited about “change”
as if switching from one corrupt fool to another will magically fix the country.
The truth? It doesn’t matter who wins. The system is rigged to ensure the people always lose. See Kenya in 2024 and you’ll cry.
- Tribalism Is the Ultimate Weapon – The British knew that a divided Kenya is an easy Kenya to control.
That’s why they made sure Kenyans would always fight along tribal lines instead of uniting against the real enemy—the ruling class.
Kikuyus blame Luos.
Luos blame Kalenjins.
Kalenjins blame Luhyas.
Meanwhile, the rich politicians are laughing all the way to Swiss banks.
- The Puppets Answer to the West, Not to Kenyans
Ever wonder why Kenyan leaders act tough in public but bow down like houseboys when the U.S. or U.K. speaks?
It’s because they don’t work for Kenyans.
They take orders from the same people who funded their campaigns.
They sign deals that benefit foreign corporations while Kenyans suffer.
The Aftermath?
Kenya is still a colony, just with black skin at the top.
Elections are just tribal WWE matches—entertaining but rigged from the start.
The country keeps borrowing, begging, and selling itself to foreigners.
The average Kenyan is too busy fighting over political nonsense to realize he’s still a slave.
Kenya is not a democracy.
It is a well-maintained plantation where the slaves THINK they are free.
ACCOUNT #7. The Degeneration Agenda—How Kenyans Were Turned Into Soft, Weak, and Useless Men
The colonizers knew that a strong, disciplined, masculine society is impossible to control.
So after stealing the land, after installing puppet leaders, after brainwashing Kenyans with fake religion,
they launched the final attack—THE DESTRUCTION OF THE KENYAN MAN.
Step 1: The Introduction of Feminism – The Death of the African Family
Before colonization, African society was patriarchal, disciplined, and orderly.
A man ruled his home.
Women respected his leadership.
Children grew up strong, obedient, and ready to continue the family legacy.
Then came feminism—the ultimate Western weapon to weaken society from the inside.
Women were told that men are “oppressors” and they must “fight for equality.”
The concept of “independent woman” was pushed aggressively—because a woman who sees herself as a “boss” will NEVER submit to a strong man.
Divorce laws, child support, and gender quotas were introduced—making it easier than ever for a woman to leave her man and still be rewarded.
The result?
Single motherhood skyrocketed—destroying the structure of families.
Masculine men were demonized—any strong, dominant man is now called “toxic.”
Women were put in the workforce instead of raising families—while foreigners took over the economy.
Step 2: The Promotion of Weak Men – The Softening of Kenyan Masculinity
A society is only as strong as its men.
The British knew this, which is why they started engineering a new breed of Kenyan man—weak, confused, and afraid to lead.
Boys were raised to be obedient, soft, and emotional.
Schools eliminated corporal punishment—ensuring that children grew up without discipline.
TV shows, music, and media started glorifying weak men—the “nice guy,” the “simp,” the “peaceful man” who never fights back.
The rise of Western-style LGBTQ+ propaganda—convincing young men that being “fluid” or “non-traditional” is something to be proud of.
And now?
The average young Kenyan man is a lost puppy—confused, weak, and scared of women.
Masculinity is seen as a disease—meanwhile, the ruling class still trains THEIR sons to be strong, dominant, and powerful.
No one is fighting back. Because a society of weak men cannot resist tyranny.
Step 3: The Erosion of Discipline—The Death of Honor, Order, and Respect
The final step in destroying a nation is to remove discipline.
Once the people become lazy, entitled, and disorganized, the ruling class can control them like livestock.
So what did they do?
Banned corporal punishment in homes and schools – Now, parents are too scared to discipline their own children, and schools are filled with little criminals who cannot be tamed.
Encouraged a culture of pleasure and entertainment – Instead of focusing on family, legacy, and power,
Kenyan youth are now obsessed with TikTok, music, betting, and chasing pleasure.
Destroyed traditional rites of passage –
Before, boys had to go through painful, disciplined initiation into manhood.
Now? They are “men” at 18 because the government says so.
No hardship, no training, no wisdom.
And now?
Women don’t respect men.
Men are too weak to fight back.
Society is collapsing—and no one is willing to fix it.
FINAL VERDICT: WHAT NEXT?
If you’ve read this far and still believe in praying for a better Kenya, voting for change, or waiting for a savior,
you are part of the problem.
The only way out is through force, strategy, and self-sufficiency.
Kenyans must:
✔ Own land—Stop renting, start taking.
✔ Build private wealth—Stop depending on government jobs.
✔ Train their children in real power—Not obedience, not religion, not victimhood.
✔ Unite against the ruling class—Not against each other.
Because right now?
Kenya is not a country. It is a game. And the ones in power know exactly how to keep you playing.
